I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
