I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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