It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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