Non-Jews are for practice
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
