There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
