Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
