Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
