he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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