Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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