im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize