So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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