And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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