If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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