How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
