Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
