I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
