please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".