I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.