Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad