I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.