If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?