I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is Oprah even human
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
