And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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