I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
