She is in my trunk
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
