she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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