I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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