my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
