White coat. Heels.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
