why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
