I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?