So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom