yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
