someone owes me an orgasm
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
