we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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