I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You need Xanax blowdarts
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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