Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
