i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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