she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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