Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
