He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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