Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
