So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
