so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
