I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
