why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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