In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
