Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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