cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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