I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
