so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
