He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
