He is an equal opportunity slut.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
