There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
