Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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