He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
