We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
