There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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