how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
