; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
