How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
