Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
