Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
