So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
