have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
