I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do vagina's smell?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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