If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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