i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
