chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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