if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
