i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
