I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
