Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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