He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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