these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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