she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan