i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.