Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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