you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
