Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777

(323): View more from California

Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)

(831): View more from California

Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.

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(831): Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777 (323): Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;) (831): Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up. http://tfl.nu/bykg

Replies (19) Good night (2168) Bad night (743)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

(760): View more from California

You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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(301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room? (760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet. http://tfl.nu/jiuf

Replies (27) Good night (4418) Bad night (821)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I too understand the importance of cheesy bread

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(215): I too understand the importance of cheesy bread http://tfl.nu/p013

Replies (22) Good night (4196) Bad night (611)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.

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(604): You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/i4e8

Replies (15) Good night (5046) Bad night (1273)
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(315): View more from New York

Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

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(315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za

Replies (63) Good night (10876) Bad night (1782)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.

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(918): He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is. http://tfl.nu/or0q

Replies (20) Good night (4688) Bad night (1051)
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(630): View more from Illinois

i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot

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(630): i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot http://tfl.nu/y6a1

Replies (12) Good night (3522) Bad night (1097)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.

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(570): Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/7z3e

Replies (8) Good night (3255) Bad night (891)
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(512): View more from Texas

I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.

(512): View more from Texas

I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.

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(512): I feel like someone had their period in my eyes. (512): I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night. http://tfl.nu/gefs

Replies (8) Good night (709) Bad night (2136)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!

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(832): i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?! http://tfl.nu/yoqa

Replies (9) Good night (2196) Bad night (534)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.

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(614): Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars. http://tfl.nu/nben

Replies (0) Good night (995) Bad night (429)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.

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(202): Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want. http://tfl.nu/8zxe

Replies (11) Good night (1788) Bad night (510)
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(801): View more from Utah

The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.

(801): View more from Utah

The girl neighbor.

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(801): The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis. (801): The girl neighbor. http://tfl.nu/zc5m

Replies (1) Good night (654) Bad night (388)
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(807): View more from Ontario

i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter

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(807): i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter http://tfl.nu/p7cr

Replies (2) Good night (425) Bad night (527)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't

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(630): Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't http://tfl.nu/ryom

Replies (0) Good night (276) Bad night (128)

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