We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he thought i was a dude.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?