you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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