Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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