You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
