for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
where are my eyebrows?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
