Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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