There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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