And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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